this is how it makes me feel. but also happy. the music makes me feel very emotional, even when i'm not. i have never really had an emotional connection to a tv show like this one. OK, maybe six feet under. it is fun to watch. like jurassic park or an adapted-for-television stephen king novel. well, in reality it pretty much is an adapted-for-television stephen king novel.
i haven't seen the season premiere tonight. this is the first time i've missed a season premiere of lost. i am really annoyed that i can't participate with my geeky internet friends in lost chatter. why am i typing all of this. and saying it in this way. the time stamp on this entry is a lie. its so late. i am so tired. i feel like i am trying so hard right now, i want other people to try hard too. i am not being a very good boss at work. i try to teach, but it feels like no one is learning. at home, i try to talk and i feel like no one is listening. why is it that everyone everywhere interprets everything with their stupid fucking egos. i am so tired and it is so late.
lost has helped me get through some bad times. when i first moved back to texas, i became a fanatic. i listened to all of the podcasts (except for the weird christian ones) and read all of the posts on the now extinct lost media site and the fuselage. i was really lonely. i had a far off boyfriend and zero friends because i spent all day talking to my far off boyfriend. so i got a cat. then my sister put her outside on new year's eve and she was either 1. hit by a car, 2. eaten by coyotes, or 3. taken in by another family because she was so beautiful and smart. she could open doors. and cans! just kidding. anyway when she died lost got me through that too.
i was now thinking about writing a list of all of the horrible shit that lost helped me deal with. but that would be a waste of time. tv is the best form of escapism. but escapism is not a good thing. actually tv may be one of the worst forms of escapism. bested in its worseness only by anti-Ds. at least in my book.
anyway, this is my essay on why i will only escape one hour a week for 16 weeks in 2009.
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