43. TURN BREAKDOWNS INTO BREAKTHROUGHS

this is an idea i took from tim ferriss' blog. he wrote that 4-hr workweek book, which i haven't read but read about.

today was hard. i am sick and had insomnia the night before. i really started to question everything. i feel stuck in a bad living situation and i feel like there is always more to do/more i could be doing at work. as a result, my schooling is suffering. i'm in one of those candle burning at both ends situations.

and i've stopped trying to keep up some of my goals. i've let go of a lot of self-restraint. i've allowed myself to be unkind to others. i even went out of my way to be unkind at one point. i've stopped working out. i've been eating poorly. when i'm driving, i'm speeding and honking. and i've stopped being consistent with my blog.

i am really losing my ability to see beautifully and optimistically.

how long has it been since new year's? Six weeks? is this the breaking point? i think this is the time when lotsa people start walking away from their goals. i don't want to do that, though. i really want to stick with this.

i need to talk a small amount of time for myself each day.

i need to eat nutritious raw vegan food.

i need to schedule in efficiency breaks.

i need to keep my energy up, and i need to work off stress so i don't divert those energies into negativity.

i don't know how to balance restraint with liberation. if i could have it my way i would be hopped up and dancing naked all the time. but i stop liking myself after spending too much time with that sort of hedonism.

why does hedonism have a bad connotation as a word?

anyway, this is incoherent, but this post is about keeping trying keeping on and on and not giving up.

i think all my posts are like that.

this blog is existential suicide.