anyway.
i'm making a tape. there is a girl i've been writing letters to. my penpal. i have been writing letters & not mailing them. i don't know why.
i am making her a tape of me talking about ideas and reading poems. i am going to carry around the tape with me on some of my adventures this weekend. then i will mail the tape to new orleans. and i found an extra tape recorder in the newsroom, so i am going to mail that to her too so we can send tapes to each other.
this is me lecturing on accouuntability at like 4 a.m. or something. i cannot imagine myself ever looking like this.
i admit i played the tape back to hear myself wax. i was surprised i didn't sound as inarticulate than i thought i would, although i do say "like" a lot. when did that start?
and to make this post even more about myself and not the outside world, let me quote myself from the tape:
"i just can't believe so many people live these terrible lives and why anybody believes this is how life should be. obviously we all live in this system where we are completely unhappy and yet so many people think this is the best evolution has to offer us. ... i've had a hard time reaching out to others. ... if i could i would just be by myself all the time. ... i know that there's not a normal way to be and there's not a normal amount of socializing a person should do. ... like i really am a firm believer in the collective unconscious and people belonging to one large kin group. ... i believe community is really important and i'm not really aligning my actions with my beliefs in that sense. ... while it's not a way to live i wanted so badly to try to live with other people umm and like figure out what it is to live within a community and be a part a community even if it is like within my own apartment. sigh. like. i don't want my epitaph to read: didn't play well with others. ugh. so."
then i read her some letters from dear everybody.
2 comments:
ooh girl.
did you get my vmail? i even got something for you from The New Orleans Historic Collection (although the thing i got you is in no way related to New Orleans or anything historical).
i don't trust my mailbox at my house, that's part of the problem. but i could always bring the mail to the office/school i work at and send them from there. another reason was that i couldn't find my stamps, tho i remember buying them, so i've refused to buy more.
but! i recently found those stamps! now i have no excuse.
in the picture here, you look like you're on some mission! the wee hours and recorder become you~
ps--i'm slated to play with my hiphop group at sxsw!
xoxo
please dont join a cult. those communities might not be the answer.
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